Thanksgiving...

So many things to be thankful for.  Is it bad that I had to remind myself about this?  Last week I was at work, plugging away at the bulletin for this past Sunday. I sat and tried to think of something catchy, but still sincere, to put on the front of the bulletin in acknowledgement of this important day.  Then, all the letters were delivered for our new church sign and a few of us were trying to think of something 'thanksgivingish' to put on the sign.  Me? I drew blanks all day.  How pathetic is that???  I'll be honest and say that I know I have so much I NEED to be thankful for.  A free country, my beautiful family, a home, etc etc....I KNOW all these things can't be taken for granted, and yet I still had to think. 
The first thoughts to come to mind were the things I'm not appreciative of, the things I don't have, the relationships I struggle with, the trials that never seem to end. 
So here I am today, amongst laundry and mess, cleaning rooms and tidying up messes that I've done time and time again, not feeling particularly thankful.  Feeling guilty and selfish for feeling this way, but also recognizing that these feelings are not of God.  Guilt is not a tool God uses to make me realize how thankful I SHOULD be.  But, in my brokeness I am feeling drawn to God, feeling as though He wants to give me so many things to be thankful for.  He longs to fill up my heart with joy, and give me a spirit that enables me to always feel thankful.   Guilt will not bring me these things.  My willingness to ask for His forgiveness and His blessings will give me these things.  So, today, one day late, I am thankful.  Thankful for a merciful Father, thankful for forgiveness, and, finally, thankful for so much.
I am thankful for a weekend of family time, with our little family, my family and hubby's family.  Thankful for time to reflect on the beauty of the season and be outdoors.  Thankful for time to reflect on a dear, beloved Father-in-law who passed away on Thanksgiving several years ago.  Thankful for time this weekend to do things I enjoy, walking, reading and baking pies.  Thankful for the tiniest spark of hope in my heart for the healing of broken relationships.  Thankful for a loving heavenly Father who will never, ever leave me.